“The world breaks everyone, and afterward, some are strong at the broken places.” ~ Ernest Hemingway

January 13, 2014.  My husband turns 44 today.  He hates a fuss over him.  Well, too bad.  His wife happens to be a grateful special needs mom and writer.  Pardon me, as I hijack my own blog to celebrate my man on the world wide web.

 20 Reasons Why Eddie Kim is a Rock Star Special Needs Dad & Husband

1.  When trauma struck, he didn’t fall apart.  We didn’t lose him to Denial, that vile crippler of many a wounded dad.  He grieved (in his own way), manned up and jumped right in.  He’s remained a steadfast support and partner ever since.

2.  He knows when to listen, when to advise, and when to intervene.  He’s attuned to the escalating shrill in my voice as I approach The Scary Mommy Zone (errbody, run for your lives..!)  He steps up, steps in and taps me out with a casual, “Wanna break?  I got this…”  His commitment to tag-teaming keeps us off the CPS radar.

Kim men hard at work.

3.  He works insanely hard to provide for us.  He’d work even harder at a second or third job if he had to.  Autism is that expensive, especially on a single income in the Bay Area.  He goes to work early, to come back early, to corral the kids out of the kitchen (and the heck outta my hair.)

4.  He’s an ardent supporter of Date Nights, Girls Nite Out, Me Time and Spa Days.  And when I get back, the house is even cleaner than when I left it.

5.  Sunday NFL = Night o’ Folding Laundry.

6.  “Pizza’s fine,” he’s prone to say.  ‘Nary a word of complaint over takeout or spaghetti (again.)

7.  He refuses to spend $20 for cable but sends me Groupons for massages.

8.  Young men he discipled years ago still invite him to their weddings.  And the Special Needs fathers he mentors now?  He doesn’t just tell them, he shows them.  He leads by example.

9.  He’s not too tough to feel, and not too strong to be real.  Other men may have IQ or GQ.  But few have EQ to boot.

10.  He builds me up in public and admonishes me in private.  Despite a fierce and fiery wife, he makes  submission a sweet ‘n easy gig.

11.  He’s the hottest, fittest, middle-aged, Asian man I know.  Those halmoni’s (Korean grandmothers) were on to something, “Korean Ree-chard Gere!”  And he comes home to me every night?  ‘Tis a mystery for the ages…

Only one does autism parenting well, I reckon.

12.  Romance, shmo-mance.  Flowers and chocolates are nice once in a while.  But showered children, washed dishes and scrubbed toilets are sexy and awesome every day.

13.  Modus operandi: “If you’re ok, I’m ok.”  Faith, family and friends first.  Others before self.  It’s a no brainer.

14.  Other motto:  Pray before work; Work before play. Leave work at work for the rest of the day.

15.  Despite everything, he still has room for the homeless man, the elderly lady, or that poor guy eating by himself.  Truthfully, I never really noticed them before.

16.  He’s fair.  Quick to listen, slow to judge and even slower to condemn.  Everyone gets a second chance, maybe even a third.  But when it comes time to act, it’s executed swiftly.  No quibbling.  It’s done.

17.  He sucks it up and takes it like a man.  But for others, he suffers and bleeds.

18.  He’s a real guy’s guy.  But tears up at It’s a Wonderful Life.  Because integrity, sacrifice and honor mean everything.

19.  He creates space for me to write and pursue this crazy dream.  He believes in my calling and backs it up.  SO grateful.

20.  He does the real grunt work around here, and makes the rest of us look good.

Eddie Kim: Doing the real heavy lifting