31 Crazy Things Special Needs Ministry Leaders Never Say

Apologies to BR for borrowing/hijacking the logo.

Inspired by this recent humorous post by Dale Hudson of Relevant Children’s Ministry, here are:

31 Flavors of Crazy: Things Said By No Special Needs Ministry Leader, Ever

“Special Needs”? Whatev. Just throw him in. It’ll be fine.
Please, no more volunteers. Go serve 1:1 on the parking team or something.
I’ve got a great idea: STROBE LIGHTS.
Enough with the questions, already! You know how we roll.
That’s too much Velcro.
Mom/Dad, trust me. There’s something wrong with your kid.
“Glutino”? Is that, like, an Avenger?
We’ll only take you if you have a degree in Special Ed.
That’s so retarded.
Uh, what’s the kid’s problem again?
Sure. Just drop in whenever.
You’re an MFT, OT, SLP (or) BCBA? Whoa, that’s a whole lotta letters. So, what do you really do?
Pulpit time? Nah, nobody needs to know about us.
Stop throwing money at us. All we need is a portable in the back.
Where’s the Jesus in all this?
For the love of goodness, gimme something to do around here!
Like, right now? Aw, come on. You can hold it…
“The Laminator”? Now, he’s an Avenger. Right?
Peanuts! Get your peanuts here!
We’re just a children’s ministry.
Attention, everyone! I need you to all stare (wait for it….) NOW.
Inclusion is in the Bible? Cool!
We’re a nice bonus program. Just axe us when our numbers start to dwindle.
Training? What training? We just figger it out as we go.
Yo DJ, crank up the bass! We like it THUMPIN’ in here.
Skip the background check. She looks nice enough.
This does nothing for my character, patience, or compassion quotient.
Dunno if anything’s really getting through. It’s just childcare.
Let’s not bother the teenagers. They need to study. Besides, they already know how to serve.
Intake forms? Poo, who needs’em. We like to keep things spicy around here.
I’ll take a Venti. Decaff, please.